Be the Chaperone

I've had some fun opportunities this summer to be the mom chaperone.

Olive knows that if she checks my calendar and we pick a date that works for us, I'm happy to chaperone plans she makes with her friends.

That looks like her coming up with a plan with her friends - the fair, the mall, movies or sleepovers - and then she'll ask me for dates that would work best.  They text to work out the details and I put it on our calendar.  It's been a really fun way to get to know her friends better and for her to ensure that she sees her friends outside of school.

They agreed upon plans ahead of time - amount of money to bring, goal to try to find something matching for back to school, time frame, as well as the pick up/drop off plan.

They strolled through their favorite stores.

Some shopped more than others.

They each had specific things they were looking to buy.

They tried on clothes and did a lot of laughing + window shopping.

I helped pick out a birthday gift for one of their moms.

We laughed at ridiculous items for sale.

Some paid in cash, card and Apple Pay.

We shopped at the candy store.

And I didn't lose a single girl!  The mall was crowded so that was a relief.  Lucky for me, they were an easy group to keep up with and they didn't mind me hanging out with them.  I think they appreciated my help calculating sale prices and then they'd run things by me since their mom wasn't there.

We headed up for a treat at our house and then the girls got picked up.  It was such a fun afternoon together.  I loved hearing about their excitement and anxious feeling about starting junior high.  They are sweet, responsible girls and I'm so thankful for their friendship.  Olive has been friends with some of the girls since we moved here in 3rd grade.

So my encouragement to you is - volunteer to be the mom chaperone when your kids want to make plans with their friends!

5 Things Your Preteens will Love

I have five fun ideas that your preteens and teens are sure to love!  

The are simple and always a hit with my older kids.

1. Let them give you tips and advice.

Try their products.  Let them talk to you about skincare.  They'll be thrilled to get a chance to be the expert.  Olive has been reading my blog lately and is quick to help me with edits when she sees a mistake.  Sometimes I'll ask for help with my outfits or accessories.  Olive usually says my clothes are too loud, but she likes to talk through outfits with me.  And I've noticed that if I model asking her for help, it helps her to feel more comfortable coming to me for help with outfits and other things.

2. Love what they love.  

Pay attention to their playlists, their current favorite songs and listen to what they listen to.  I don't always love the songs they love, but they are so excited to have a kid playlist for our drives together.  Some days it's my spotify list and some days it's theirs.  Either way it's fun to know what we are all listening (teens: and dancing) to.  The same thing goes for sports or shows or movies.  Find out what they are loving and enjoy it with them.  Olive loves picking out our shows and Fletcher gets so excited for someone to be interested in the games he's playing.

3. Walk around the mall or their favorite stores.

They loves to try samples, try on clothes that they might think they would like, try on popular shoe trends and try out sports equipment.  

4. Try new food together and find new favorite foods.

This can mean cooking together, grocery shopping together or picking out recipes online.  The kids have gotten so much joy out of sampling all the things at the Costco cafe.  They are ranking foods and making plans to try everything on the menu.  The same is true for trying Crumbl flavors of the week or maybe trying a new restaurant on Door Dash.

5. Buy the silly things that they want.

We were standing in line at Old Navy and Fletcher was so excited to see this package of Pickle Roulette sour candies.  He loves pickles and this sounded like so much fun to him.  I said yes and we got a lot of laughs out of him trying pickle candy.  Olive likes to add things to my Walmart cart and it's fun to surprise her with them - press on nails, shampoo, new socks, etc.

I hope this little list gives you some new ideas on how you can love your teens a little extra this week!

2 Tips to Make Any Teen Smile

I have two teen tips that will make any teen smile.  I promise.

1. Surprise them with their favorite things.  

Pay attention to the latest trends, their Amazon with lists and what all the kids are wearing or wanting.  Then surprise them with it.

Olive is very into Vera Bradley + teddy bears.  She got a bag in this pattern for Christmas.  After a stressful week at school, I surprised her with the matching zipper pouch and an encouraging note.  She LOVED it.  And loved that I cared enough to pay attention to know what she's love.

It can also be simple like adding their favorite things to the grocery list each week or restock their favorite beauty items.  Olive knows where I keep my grocery list in the kitchen.  She's always adding items to the list and is so happy when they arrive.  I've also surprise her by making her bed, tidying up her bedroom and doing her laundry without asking her to help.  She always seems to appreciate it.

2. Fix some of the little things for them.

Your teen will have many things that will stress them out or need fixing each week.  Fix some of the little things to make their days less stressful.  Wake up early to do their hair so they don't have to stress about it.  Keep track of their schedule, remember their events and keep track of what they need to know.  Check their grades with them and reach out to teachers with questions.  Sometimes Olive will tell me she will handle the question and other times she will ask me to email her teacher.  Or dumpster dive when one of their favorite things accidentally gets tossed.

I emptied trash cans around the house and - long story short - I threw away an art project that Olive had just made with her friends.  I grabbed a flashlight, headed out to the curb on the eve of trash pick up and did some dumpter diving.  I found her art.  And she was so excited.

I try to do both of these things regularly to connect with my favorite (pre)teen!

3 Preteen Party Ideas

Did you wake up to snow at your house?  We did and are all home for a lovely snow day at home.  A surprise snow day is the best way to break up the week.

I have three really fun party ideas for you for your preteens.

1. Candy salad.

I have mentioned this before, but it's our favorite treat to make when the kids have friends over.  You can do this two different ways - have each person bring a couple of their favorite candies to share or provide all the candy for the kids.

I usually go with the second option and have my kids go to Dollar Tree and pick out 10+ different candies.  My kids LOVE picking out a fun mix of candies for their friends.  We went with a pink and red theme for our valentine candies.

Then at the party have each kid open the bags of candy and pour them in a big bowl.  The kids love mixing the candy and then we usually do two scoops of candy per kid in a ziploc bag.  The kids will eat and enjoy their candy all night long.  Sometimes we make popcorn and sometimes we write their names on the bags with sharpies.  It's always a big hit.

2. Play their goofy games.

They came up with the silliest things and I just played along for the laughs.  I sat with my back to them and they said Hi Mom.  I had to guess which girl was saying hello.  Then they dressed alike and I had to tell them apart only being able to see their backs.  Then they came up with hide and seek and volleyball games.

3. Favorite things party.

They each had to bring five of their favorite things to exchange.  

The rules were - they had to be about $1 each, bring five of the same things and then we supplied the gift bags to hold the gifts.  They came up with the cutest dollar assortment.  Hand lotions, candies, fun lip balms, straws, balloons, mini canvas art projects and more.  It was a really fun exchange that wasn't too expensive for anyone to participate.  Olive had the best time hunting around Dollar Tree for the perfect item for her friends.  She was between a claw clip and hand lotion.

Do you have any favorite activities to do with your teens??

Preteen Parenting: Get Outside!

My latest preteen parenting tip is to get outside.

This might sound like a funny tip for preteen parents, but you'd be amazed.

It turns out that fresh air, sunshine and time outdoors is good for everyone.

Ignore the notion that they are too big to do silly things.

Buy them a surprise scooter.  They'll think you are ridiculous and then ride it regularly.

Then watch your kids make up fun street games.

Go on a walk.

Chat with your neighbors.

Hop on a bike.

Hit a volleyball with them back and forth even though you have no volleyball skills.

Count while they jump rope.

Draw with sidewalk chalk.

Play ping pong in the garage.

Sit on your front porch and enjoy a lemonade together.  Or maybe a hot chocolate drink.

Race rubber ducks in the rain water coming down your driveway.

Invite the neighbor friends over to play.

Bundle up because winter sunshine can be tons of fun!  I promise.

Just get outside!  It'll be fun for everyone.

Proof.

Preteen Parenting: Let Them Browse

 Slowly, but surely, I'm having some preteen parenting wins.  

I still have a ton to learn.

And I am going to celebrate anytime we have a parenting win because parenting older kids is tricky.

My tip for today is: Let them browse.

Let them try on clothes with no pressure.

Buy them things on Amazon that will be easy to return.

Order things in two sizes to give them options and return the rest.

Have them put things on an Amazon wish list, go through options together and then order.

Both of my older kids are growing so fast.  Shoes.  Clothes.  Jackets.  Everything.  And sometimes that means they are outgrowing their usual sections of clothes or their go to stores.  We are fumbling to figure out their best sizes and the clothes that they feel best in.  It's tricky and it can be stressful for them and for me.  I know it's stressful when they outgrow clothes and I know it's stressful for me when I no longer know the best size to order for them.

We headed to Shoe Carnival over the weekend to let them browse.

I packed snacks for Leo and he watched a show on my phone while the big kids tried on several styles and several sizes of shoes.  It took probably an hour and I was sweating at the end.  But both kids left the store with shoes in new sizes that they were excited about.  Hooray!  We found a new style for Fletcher and a new brand for Olive.  They are both excited to wear their new shoes.

I'm glad I took the time to let them browse.

Preteen Parenting: Feed Them

Do you want to know the easiest way to get kids to gather at your house??

Feed them!

Olive wanted to have one last Summer sleep over so we planned it last minute and she made an easy menu of take out pizza, blizzards & breakfast.  

Kevin got the pizzas for us.

I got the stuff to make homemade blizzards.

And then we had our traditional sleepover breakfast.  Pancakes & eggs.

The girls were thrilled!

Simple pancakes - plain or chocolate chip.  Same with the eggs - plain or with cheese.  I kept breakfast simple because everyone had to leave at 8am so I could get off to my teacher training days.

They loved ordering their blizzard toppings.  I kept it simple with 2 topping options and almost everyone picked Oreo.

Pizza, blizzards and panakes were a big hit!  And it was so much cheaper to get the ingredients to make these meals and snacks at home vs going to Dairy Queen or Dennys with a big group.  Feed the friends and you'll be a favorite mom!

Tween Slumber Party of Her Dreams

Olive requested her first slumber party with friends for her 11th birthday.

I was hesitant.  Tried to suggest a late over instead, but she was sure she was ready so I got on board.  We invited friends that we knew well and knew their families well.  Plus one new friend.  The friends we knew well spent the night and the new friend left around 10pm.  It worked out great and I'm glad I said yes to her request.

My best teen advice is to ask your kids what they want to do for their birthdays, listen and come up with a plan you both agree on.

We brain stormed a list of activities for the slumber party and then promptly hid the list before her friends arrived.  It was good for us to talk through activity options ahead of time.

She made another Canva invitation and we texted them out to her friends.

We made candy salad.  Stay tuned for a post on this because it was so much fun!

Did the cutest craft.  I've got to get a post together with links and details.

I made a pasta bar for dinner.  The girls loved it and it was much cheaper than eating out.  The boys went out to dinner so that it was just us girls at home.

Kevin had some leftover Memorial Day fireworks to do for the girls.

We gave them flashlights and let them go on a neighborhood walk together.

We did popcorn and a movie, made late night blizzards, played ping pong and lots of talking.  I took their breakfast orders and told them breakfast was at 9:00am.  I went to bed at midnight and suggested they do the same.  They stayed up too late so everyone was tired the next morning.  They loved the breakfast and then their moms came to get them at 9:30am.

It was Olive's real birthday so she got busy opening gifts after her friends left.

She loved her gifts this year.  Can you tell??  It always feels good to pull off a good round of gifts.

We took it easy all day and then she requested carrot cake for dessert.

I was nervous about a sleepover, but it was so much fun!

Preteen Parenting: Shopping Tips

I have learned a few tips about shopping for older kids this year.

My old strategies weren't working.  

I used to collect things way in advance and save them for birthdays and holidays when the kids were little.  I could better anticipate what they would be interested in and not have to worry about return windows and trends changing.  I've noticed my preteen wanting to have return options and their wish lists changing all the time.  That means I need to save my shopping until just a few weeks before holidays.

Here's how I am approaching shopping for my older kids now:

1. Wait to buy things until a couple weeks before their birthdays.  

I leave the tags on everything.  That way if they don't like an item, it is easy to return and no stress if something doesn't work out.

2. Don't take teen attitude personal.  

Sometimes I work hard to gather tons of swim suit options or jeans options and then end up returning them all.  Or we try on tons of things in store and walk away with nothing.  I try to just enjoy the process and the quality time together.  The rejected clothes aren't a rejection of you.  It is just them trying to find their own personal style.

3. Shop for clothes at stores that have easy return options for me.  

I ask the kids to put things in the cart that catch their eye at places like Old Navy and then we browse the cart together.  We talk through their selections, read reviews, confirm sizes and then I can easily return things if they aren't what we hoped.  We avoid shopping at stores that require a mail in return other than Amazon.  This is a great options for stores you are familiar with since you know how their sizes and clothing runs.  Also, encourage them (especially girls) if they see a friend wearing something that they love, ask them where they got it.  It's been fun to check out new stores and new trends.

4. Ask your child to give you birthday wish lists to share with family and friends.  

My big kids have learned the art of making an Amazon wish list.  It's been so helpful!  They are always adding and editing it so I have ideas to share with family when they ask.  I also ask the kids often - are you still into fossils?  Squishmallows?  Stitch?  To gauge their interest.

5. Have honest conversations about items.  

If you splurge and get your teens something, make sure they love it and will use it.  We have had honest conversations about nice tennis shoes because we wanted to make sure they were enjoyed and didn't sit in a box.  Olive said she loved the idea of them, but probably wouldn't wear them a ton.  So we returned them and no feelings were hurt.

Now tell me your best shopping tips for teens! 

Preteen Parenting: Practice Gives Confidence

Has your preteen or teen every declared they just weren't good at something?  Maybe they tried something new, weren't great at it and gave up?  Or maybe they admired a skill someone else had and wished they could do the same thing?

I'd encourage you to give your older kids time and space to practice to build their confidence.

Find things they are interested in, but aren't yet good at, and give them opportunities to practice doing those things in a safe place like home.  Sometimes that means pointing out things they are naturally good at and suggesting things that they could do with those skills.  For us it's things like fishing, riding a bike, painting nails on their own, doing their own hair, studying for tests, writing, crocheting, learning a new craft or hobby or talking to their friends on FaceTime.

Olive mentioned that she loved cute nails, but just was not good at painting her nails herself.  I told her we should practice.  No pressure.  Nowhere to go.  Just working on the art of nail painting at home.  We had fun together.  She picked out the design and we painted.  She was happy with the result and I know that she will be a little better at it the next time we paint nails.  I gave her tips along the way and helped if she needed it, but she was the leading the way.

Here are some more examples:

1. Help create a dinner menu so that they'll know how to meal plan when they are living on their own.  

2. Practice learning how to ride a bike in the grass so that you feel confident when it comes time to riding on the street.  Or roller blade on your patio before you head out to the streets.

3. Communicate your hair style preferences with whoever does your hair.  That goes for hair cuts and for daily styling.  Figure out how you like to wear your hair and ask for help making that happen.  Olive will skip cuts for a trim.  The boys will ask for a scissor trim on top to keep it longer and clippers on the side.  I cut everyone's hair so it's been fun to see them get better at this skill.

4. Your teens might be wanting a new swim suit and want to shop online.  Have them practice browsing and searching favorite shopping sites, pick out their favorites and present them to their parents.  Olive loved this task!!  She found 3 great swim suit options.  We ordered them all, tried them on and she ended up with two swim suits that she is SO excited about.  I wasn't sure she could find them on her own, but she did it.  And next year she'll be ready to do this on her own (with the help of our credit card :).

5. You have a kid that wants to learn how to fish.  He asks for fishing supplies for holidays and then practices fishing a lot.  He's learning new skills and building confidence to become a better fisherman.

6. Practice talking on the phone, Face Timing and texting with friends on your parent's phone so that when you have your own phone, you will feel confident in communicating with people.  We have had a lot of conversations about phone etiquette, talking to parents vs friends and texting.

7. If your kids need something at school or are having an issue, let them practice communicating with their teachers.  Talk things through with them and then send them off to email or talk to their teachers to resolve the issue.  This is a super important life skill.

8. One of our kids loves pocket knives.  He's been learning how to store the, handle them and collect them safely.  His confidence has grown and he has been so responsible with them.  It's fun to see his hobby build confidence.

9. Travel together!  Give the kids a map, point out landmarks along the way, have them make count downs, pack their own suitcases, plan intineraries and watch their travel confidence grow.  My older kids love to pack for trips.  I give them a check list or talk through our trip and they pack.  They present their suitcases to me and we double check that they ar ready to travel.  It makes trip prep so much easier for me and then they are confident that they are ready for the trip.

10. Share opportunities that come up and see if your kids are interested - church choir, tennis lessons, chess club, school choir, rec leagues, softball try outs, roller skating, archery, etc.  Talk through what the commitment would mean and see if it is something that they would like to try.  I've emailed coaches to ask questions and gathered more information.  All those new experiences can bring confidence.

How do you help your older kids build confidence?

Preteen Parenting: Episode 6 Host Their Friends

I'm excited to continue my preteen parenting series in 2024.  I am learning a lot as our kids are getting older and I'm looking forward to sharing things that our preteen loves.

I win points with our preteen anytime I say yes to hosting friends at our house.

Olive talked about different options for hosting friends over Christmas break.  She mentioned an ornament exchange, a Christmas craft party, gift exchange or hot cocoa bar.  Christmas was a busy work week for me baking cookies so we opted for a hot cocoa bar at the end of Christmas break.

She made plans with her friends, I confirmed plans with the moms and then they got dropped off at our house.  They exchanged gifts, hung out and I prepped this hot cocoa bar for the girls.  They loved adding mix ins to their cups of cocoa.  It was the easy food to host!

I took their picture with Olive's new polaroid camera and they had a great couple of hours together during their break from school.  It wasn't expensive - we had all the hot cocoa bar ingredients so we just had to buy a gift for the gift exchange.

Olive loved it and is already talking about plans for a cookie decorating party, a trip to Starbucks with her friends, cooking something together, crafting and more.

I'm keeping my eyes peeling and ears open for ways to help HOST THEIR FRIENDS!

Do you have any suggestions for preteen activities we could host?

Preteen Parenting: Episode 5 Say YES

As parents, it's easy to get into the habit of saying no when things pop up or aren't on your radar.  Today we're going to talk about a great way to connect with your older kids with one simple word.

YES.

Look for ways to say YES to your preteens.

They are probably living in a world with lots of nos.  No, you can't have a phone.  No, you can' t go to that event.  No, you can't stay up that late.  No, you can't watch that movie or listen to that music.  No, now is not the right time for that.  No, you can't wear that.  You get it.

I have found that the more little things I can say YES to, the better.

I'll give you some examples.  When things come up or requests come my way, I try to really think if there is a way to say YES or a way to make it happen.  It doesn't always end up with a YES, but I can tell that attitudes improve when I find ways to say YES.

1.  I said YES when the big kids asked to have friends over after school even though I wanted to say no.  Usually I try to come up with a compromise.  If your homework is done, you can play with friends.  If your room is tidy, you can invite someone over.  If you help me fold laundry or dry dishes, then we can run that errand.

2. Can I invite a friend over?  YES.  We ended up with a free weekend day and Olive spontaneously asked if she could invite one of her best friends over.  She borrowed my phone to text her friend's mom to make plans and the girls got to spend a couple of hours together.  The chatted, painted nails, played outside and listened to music.  I could tell that Olive appreciated that YES.  Inviting a friend over wasn't on my daily to do list or radar so I'm glad that I heard her out.

3. Will you fix hot chocolate for us?  After school smoothies?  YES.

4. Can you help me make flash cards to study for my test tomorrow?  YES.  Now we have a set spot with flash card making materials.  I enjoyed helping her study and practice her skills.

5. Will you take us on a bike ride?  YES

6. Can you help me come up with a recipe and plan to sell a product for market day?  YES.  Remember that homemade play-doh post yesterday?  It's been a big success and a good connection point for us.

7. I feel like I'm too old to do this.  Can I just watch this time?  YES.

8. I'm noticing this issue or this problem.  Can you help me solve it?  YES.  I listen to the problem and then go shopping for the right products to fix it.  This has been great for skin care, hygiene and preteen wardrobe issues that have come up.  Shop at places like Walmart, Amazon or Old Navy that have great return options so that you can figure out the right fit for you.

9. I want to read more, but I don't have any good books.  Can you help me?  YES.  We either visit the library, research good books together and put them on hold at our local branch or recently we signed up for a Hoopla account so that Olive can check out books and read them on her tablet.

10. Anything you want to talk about?  YES.  I get that question a lot.  Especially at bedtime so I try to have a couple of topics/questions prepared to chat about.  Some days I don't need them and other days it's helpful to have some talking points.

I hope these ideas give you some YES inspiration when you're thinking of connecting with your preteens.

Preteen Parenting: Episode 4 Be Excited

We are still navigating the waters of preteen parenting well, but we are trying hard!

It's been fun to figure out what is interesting and exciting to ten year old Olive.

I'm learning that it's ever changing.

She's still figuring it out, too.

Currently she's loving: Oreo blizzards, Stitch from Lilo and Stitch, crafting, shopping, clothes, jewelry, braided hair, sending mail, writing notes to me, borrowing my phone to text family and friends and one on one attention.

I'm taking notes of what she loves and trying hard to be excited about anything she's excited about.  I try to keep her favorite snacks and products stocked.  We openly communicate about things she's on the hunt for with clothing and nothing makes her happier than browsing stores in person or online.  Olive loves to talk through her options.

I'm noticing her favorites.

And she loves when I notice.

 

Right before school started she requested a lunch date and some shopping for back to school items.  We made a to do list (another love of hers and mine!) and left the boys at home for a few hours while we shopped and grabbed lunch.

We had things we had to do - find new tennis shoes and then lots of things we just wanted to do.  I gave her suggestions and she had suggestions of her own.  We both compromised and had the best time.

Dear fellow preteen and teen moms, notice them!

Pay attention to their current likes and dislikes.

And they will love that personalized attention.

Even if they don't tell you so.

You can be subtle about it - grabbing their favorite things at the store and leaving them in their bedroom to find.  Or be bold - asking them to hang out together for some one on one time.

You can do it!

Preteen Parenting: Episode 3 Birthday Surprises

Olive turned 10 yesterday and we've really enjoyed finding fun ways to celebrate her with family and friends!  Her favorite activity: A surprise birthday dinner date with mom and dad.

 

I booked our favorite Mimi & Papaw babysitters and surprised her with plans for a solo dinner date.  I had a family favorite dinner ready for the boys to enjoy at home so they wouldn't feel left out and then booked a restaurant that we usually only go to on date nights.  Olive was so excited!

We headed downtown to one of our favorite restaurants - Comfort.  We let Olive pick our seating.  Since the weather was perfection, she chose a table on the patio.  We had so much fun watching people go up and down Main Street.

She was thrilled with her pretty lemonade drink and the fact that the hostess didn't even consider giving her a kid's menu.  We examined the menu closely.  She did ask to see it just to make sure that she wasn't missing out on anything delicious.  But she ultimately opted to order from the adult menu.  BLTA - minus the A because she doesn't like avocado.  We enjoyed an appetizer, delicious food and we asked her fun questions, she chatted about things that were important to her and we reminisced about life with baby Olive.  It was wonderful.  We took a stroll around downtown to Self-E Alley where we snapped pictures, enjoyed the sights and sounds downtown and then we walked around the campus at University of Evansville.

I don't know where Olive will choose to go to college, but it was fun to talk about what college would look like at UE.  She requested Chick-Fil-A lunch dates with Kevin, grocery shopping and walks around campus.

She kept saying all night long - It's like I'm an only child for the night!  I don't have to share either of you!  This is awesome!  She felt really special and really loved.  I'm quite certain that she smiled the entire night long.  She thanked us a million times for the fun night.  She rode home with her head out the window to soak in every last bit of sunset magic.  We were all excited to get home to the boys, but we learned a good lesson - Make the time to enjoy your kids one on one!

The boys had the best night at home and we had the best night with Olive.  Fletcher is taking notes for when he gets older and Olive is planning her next night out :)

We surprised her with a solo dinner out, a giant bean bag chair for her bedroom and took seriously her birthday requests for a friend party and not to be sung to at a restaurant for her birthday.  We'd highly recommend planning some birthday surprises that your preteen would love!

This is such a fun age!!