Preteen Parenting: Episode 5 Say YES

As parents, it's easy to get into the habit of saying no when things pop up or aren't on your radar.  Today we're going to talk about a great way to connect with your older kids with one simple word.

YES.

Look for ways to say YES to your preteens.

They are probably living in a world with lots of nos.  No, you can't have a phone.  No, you can' t go to that event.  No, you can't stay up that late.  No, you can't watch that movie or listen to that music.  No, now is not the right time for that.  No, you can't wear that.  You get it.

I have found that the more little things I can say YES to, the better.

I'll give you some examples.  When things come up or requests come my way, I try to really think if there is a way to say YES or a way to make it happen.  It doesn't always end up with a YES, but I can tell that attitudes improve when I find ways to say YES.

1.  I said YES when the big kids asked to have friends over after school even though I wanted to say no.  Usually I try to come up with a compromise.  If your homework is done, you can play with friends.  If your room is tidy, you can invite someone over.  If you help me fold laundry or dry dishes, then we can run that errand.

2. Can I invite a friend over?  YES.  We ended up with a free weekend day and Olive spontaneously asked if she could invite one of her best friends over.  She borrowed my phone to text her friend's mom to make plans and the girls got to spend a couple of hours together.  The chatted, painted nails, played outside and listened to music.  I could tell that Olive appreciated that YES.  Inviting a friend over wasn't on my daily to do list or radar so I'm glad that I heard her out.

3. Will you fix hot chocolate for us?  After school smoothies?  YES.

4. Can you help me make flash cards to study for my test tomorrow?  YES.  Now we have a set spot with flash card making materials.  I enjoyed helping her study and practice her skills.

5. Will you take us on a bike ride?  YES

6. Can you help me come up with a recipe and plan to sell a product for market day?  YES.  Remember that homemade play-doh post yesterday?  It's been a big success and a good connection point for us.

7. I feel like I'm too old to do this.  Can I just watch this time?  YES.

8. I'm noticing this issue or this problem.  Can you help me solve it?  YES.  I listen to the problem and then go shopping for the right products to fix it.  This has been great for skin care, hygiene and preteen wardrobe issues that have come up.  Shop at places like Walmart, Amazon or Old Navy that have great return options so that you can figure out the right fit for you.

9. I want to read more, but I don't have any good books.  Can you help me?  YES.  We either visit the library, research good books together and put them on hold at our local branch or recently we signed up for a Hoopla account so that Olive can check out books and read them on her tablet.

10. Anything you want to talk about?  YES.  I get that question a lot.  Especially at bedtime so I try to have a couple of topics/questions prepared to chat about.  Some days I don't need them and other days it's helpful to have some talking points.

I hope these ideas give you some YES inspiration when you're thinking of connecting with your preteens.